Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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