Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
