Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
