Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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