i think my tv is drunk
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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