If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
