My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize