I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
someone owes me an orgasm
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
