did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize