when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
only you would photoshop your dick
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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