Kiss
Puke
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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