remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
