it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We are all done wearing pants today
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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