Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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