i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
