Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
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