R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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