dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
