We named our party play list daddy issues
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
