How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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