hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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