where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
