Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
