Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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