Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
