your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Randomize
