Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
