Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
