I should be sponsored by Trojan
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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