just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
