My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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