I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
