I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
