i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
