went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
