There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize