After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
