id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Im part way to drunk.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
