Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he was CRYING into my vagina
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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