when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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