I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
