WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
