wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
