my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
