we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
