Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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