Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
