she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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