You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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