and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Enjoy the penises
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
