someone threw a dead crab at me
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
