He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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