I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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