Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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