I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
