Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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