When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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