i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Send help, water and tortillas.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
