All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize