So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
