this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The adults are the big ones right?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
