He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
