I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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