id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
