tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
