Girls should come with a carfax report
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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