I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Everyone says I win the strip club
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
