Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
